KatakSumur

I know how to describe this It's a feeling in which I'm powerless to change my situations. It's almost been two years now This feels like eternity, it's like all my life I've been in this position And the past is nonexistent, even if I remember it it's very vague and hazy. I feel like this situation will not get better, at least anytime soon. It surely will gets worse.

i've done everything i could just to distract myself from reality let's call it "self improvement" for the sake of coolness but i know well that it doesn't help my situation not even the slightest reading books, writing gibberish on this blog, playing games, working out and going to the gym, bicycling, making papercrafts and even watching youtube videos can i call those a coping mechanism? sometimes i got really tired the reality got into my mind and i can't do any of those even if they're objectively fun in that situation i can't help but wonder when will this end? will this ever end?

"Hen, tau gak si A sama istrinya pindah" "Hen si B udah pindah" "Hen kok kamu belum pindah" Somehow being told that I'm not the only one with this circumstances doesn't reassure me. What do you know about my situation? Do you think you understand how I feel? Do you think someone that you thought have the same situation as mine REALLY got no help like me? Shut up. I thought some people didn't care about me anymore, but maybe they don't care about me in the first place?

I noticed something different about myself, I no longer care about my appearance, I no longer care about people's feelings, Hell I no longer care about other people in general I have burned bridges and become this bitter person that lost the ability to empathize with others. Ada hal yang terjadi ketika kita berada dalam sebuah situasi terlalu lama, kita beradaptasi dengan sekitar kita dan lama kelamaan itu menjadi bagian dari diri kita. Saya tidak pernah membayangkan akan ada di posisi seperti ini begini lamanya. Semua hal di dunia ini jelas terlihat seperti sudah terencana dan terorganisir untuk membuat hidup saya sehambar mungkin sampai akarnya. Semua itu terjadi pada tahapan yang paling kecil dan perlahan yang sama sekali tidak saya sadari sehingga ketika saya mengetahuinya, semua itu sudah terlambat dan sudah terjadi pada tingkatan yang fundamental. Diri saya juga mengalami perubahan mikro itu seiring kehidupan saya yang bertransisi. Rasa empati yang hilang, semangat menjalani

Latihan praktik yang dilakukan berdasarkan buku Eat That Frog halaman 14. Tulis 10 tujuan yang ingin dicapai di tahun 2024, tapi tuliskan dengan kalimat seolah-olah tujuan-tujuan tersebut sudah tercapai, kemudian tentukan yang mendatangkan dampak paling positif! 1. Saya telah konsisten berolahraga (bersepeda ke kantor, latihan beban di kos, dan ke gym di weekend) 2. Saya memiliki berat badan 70 Kg dengan massa otot signifikan 3. Saya telah mencapai total donor darah 40 kali 4. Saya telah membaca selesai 12 buku 5. Saya memiliki skor TOEFL 600 6. Saya berhasil menabung 50 juta 7. Saya berhasil menerbitkan 1 penelitian di jurnal (dan mengirimkan ke surat kabar) 7. Saya telah rajin sholat berjamaah di mesjid maupun sholat malam dan dhuha (serta rawatib) 9. Saya telah rajin mengaji dan mengikuti kajian (dan menuliskan di catatan kajian) 10. Saya telah rajin berpuasa sunnah (senin kamis, ayyamul bidh, dan puasa daud) Semua tujuan tersebut adalah sesuatu yang secara aktif dapat saya kontrol,

Before anyone wondering, no I’m not suicidal. I’m really afraid to die… but sometimes I couldn’t lift myself up to face this harsh reality either… This note isn’t my last note nor it is my suicide note, or whatever. This note is a closure, something that I needed for a long time, something that will serve me as a reminder that suicide is not a solution but rather another problem that will 100% spawn much more problems for people around me. What I wrote here is only a fiction about what would probably happened if I did end my life. Not to fantasize about dying or anything but this is just a reminder and an EVEN MORE reason why I shouldn’t give in… ============================== The day after I killed myself. The first one who will noticed my disappearance is probably my wife. Not contacting her for longer than 24 hours is already a cue that something is going on. I’ve told her so many times that I’m tired of living our marriage long-distance like this, I want to be by her side al